Paradox Kitten
by UruExplorer DTC
Summary: -NepetaXDave Matesprit- A set of oneshots detailing everyone's Favorite Knight of Time and Rogue of Heart as they live together on a Post SBURB world. Rated K for minor language. But hey, it's Homestuck! What're you expecting?
1. Paradox Kitten

**Paradox Kitten**

"Can we keep it?"

You, Being a Dave Strider of no particular time line, sigh as you look at the freaky two mouthed kitten that your companion had just ectobiologized out of some weird green slime. "What?"

"She looks just like Pounce!" Nepeta Lejion, a Troll girl from some other universe that doesn't matter at the moment, said as she gave the kitten a hug, a wide smile on her face.

"probably is." you mutter, if what John and Karkat told you about paradox cloning actually made any sense in your head.

"Huh?" She looks up.

"I said..." You sigh. Jegus. How in the world did you get stuck with her again? You- The Mix-master of time travel- with her- the Huntress Roll Player of Heart-? "We can keep it."

"Yay!"

Yeah, that's how. That million watt smile that just looks absolutely so cute and... adorabloodthirsty? Did Terezi call it? Meh. You'd rather just stick with "Adorable", no Troll puns what-so-ever.

You never really chatted much during the game, but after it was all said and done and you all got dumped onto some new planet similar to an Earth and Alter-whatsitsname Double punch alchemization, you two just sort of...Gravitated towards each other while everyone else was rushing about trying to make sure everything was absolutely perfect.

Well, you say "gravitated" as if there was mutual attraction at first, but come on- the girl jumps on your back and swipes your iShades before you have a moment to blink. You swear if she hadn't looked so cute and silly with that blue cat hat and green over sized coat and those stolen shades framing that brilliant smile you wouldn't have let her keep them (You still have your old ones from John after all).

Yeah. That smile. One in a million that. Rose called it "matespritship at first swipe" or some sort of alien-punny-nonsense. (You're less inclined to even try to understand the things she's said after those three years on the meteor.)

"So what's its name?" you ask after way too much internal monologing. (Just Who the hell do you think you are? Karkat? Rose? Shit. Who did all the monologing during the second session again? You can't remember. Was it Bro? Shit, you spent too much time time traveling again, didn't you?)

"Hm..." She frowns for a few moments as she tries to reason up a decent name for her new kitten. "Well, I can't name her Pounce."

"Why not?" you start to ask, but you catch yourself from making that mistake before the "W" even gets through your teeth. Instead, you suggest "How about Karren?"

"Karren for a Kitten?" she asks...And her eyes light up with the light of a thousand green suns when she gets the joke. Gog is she cute. "Dave, I love it!" and hen she stands up on her tippy toes and plants a kiss right on your lips.

"You sure that's not all you love?" You ask with a slight smile.

"Yes!" she replies, bringing the Kitten up to face her. "And I love her too!" she puts her nose right up to the kitten's and giggles. "Hello, Karren the Kitten!"

You laugh.


	2. Audiosurf

**Audiosurf**

You, being Nepeta Lejion from the former world of Alternia, a-paw-solutly LOVE This game!

You play music AND get high scores? How cool!

A zig, a zag, a zip, a zap, Dodge those grey blocks! WHOO!

You're so caught up in zipping around these awesome little colored tracks that you don't notice the sound of someone flash-stepping in behind you and placing a pair of headphones over your ears.

When they- Being a Dirk Strider of no particular Scratched Universe- plug in the headphones into the computer, the sudden shift of sound makes you jump. "Wah!"

"I get that you Trolls are nocturnal," Dirk says "but if you're going to play music this late at night, at least do it with some headphones. Some of us have work in the morning."

You frown and do the Vwiskers-ey thing. "Fiiiiiiiine."

* * *

A good half an hour later and you still can't get your previous groove back. You keep crashing into those grey blocks like they're going out of style.

It's around this time that Dave time-warps back from whenever he was, another loud sound making you jump- and, predictably, hit another grey block.

He notices you growling at the laptop. "What's up?"

"Your brother threw off my pacing." you whine as you pause the game. "I keep hitting the grey blocks."

"Audiosurf huh?" he looks at the paused screen. "Well...Let's just see about that."

* * *

You are now Dirk Strider, and you are now- somehow- floating within a white void in some sort of hover-car thing on a color-changing track.

Somehow, you feel like Dave had something to do with this rather odd dream.

Not that you know that it's a dream, as the dream pile has gotten so high by now that you can't tell awake from asleep.

Shit you've got to stop hitting all they stupid grey blocks or you're going to give yourself a headache.

* * *

You, being Dave Strider, smirk as your brother stumbles out of his room, with a dazed look in his eyes. "Sleep well?"

"No." he replies with a groan, not even noticing your house guest. "What time is it?"

"Six twenty-five." Kanaya replies. "P.M."

Even with those pointy shades on, you can tell Dirk's eyes are widening in horror. "Oh Crap!" and with that, you watch your brother race out to work at Six twenty-five in the morning, a good three hours before his shift even starts.

And once the door slams shut, Nepeta begins giggling as she says "Thank you, Kanaya!"

"It was my pleasure, Nepeta." The Sylph of Space said with a smile. "Rose has been wanting me to try using my powers in more creative ways anyways, and this was good practice for when we-."

"Woah woah woah." You cut her off before she continues with that sentence. "Too much information!"

"Sorry." She replied.

Nepeta just giggles some more and despite the situation, you can't help but chuckle yourself.

* * *

**A.N.: I Guess this is a thing that is happening then. 0_0**


	3. X33 Cheese Pizza Combo

**X33 Cheese Pizza Combo**

You, being a Nepeta Lejion at the beginning of a recently born universe, stare at the freshly prepared food before you. "What is it?"

"It's a pizza." Dave replies. "When everyone- and I mean everyone. Can you believe that Rose had never even HAD A pizza before? Not even delivery! Jegus that's just lame.- on the meteor said they'd never heard of Pizza before, I realized that everyone we know needed to be introduce to this wonderful concoction of fine greasy Italian perfection." He then pulls out one of his swords and neatly cuts it into eight pieces with a single slice. "So I'm starting off our recently-until-now-un-defined relationship by continuing that tradition." he traded the sword for a spatula and pried a piece of... Oh wow look at all that cheese just stringing along.

To borrow your Moirail's typing quirk, you are 100% sure that your eyes have just widened as large as your dinner plate.

"Madam." He says with a bizarre fake-y accent that you can't quite place. "Ai prezent to yu.." And he seamlessly flows back to normal as he places that piece of pizza on your plate. "The Triple Triple Cheese Pizza. Plain Mozzarella- none of that multiblend crap- since you've gotta start off with the simplest- and in my opinion best- before you work your way up to the crazy stuff like 'Ham, Pineapple, and Swiss'."

You simply stare at the triangle of golden brown ...and red? "Is it bleeding? I thought you cooked it?"

"What?" he blinks as he transfers a slice to his plate. "That's tomato sauce." he looks a bit uncomfortable at the pizza before him. "But now that you mention it... Yeah I can see where you're coming from there." he laughs a little. "It looks like that when you use too much sauce."

"So how do I eat it?" You ask.

"Well." He takes a fork and a knife for himself. "There're two ways, Neps. First is you pick it up and just stuff it in your mouth." He hands you another set of the utensils. "But with a pie this fresh off the grill, you've gotta let it cool off a bit- so we're cutting it up like a rug and chowing down..." he blinks. "Wow that was a lame metaphor."

"Okay..." You adjust your given cutting devices and cut off a small piece of the pizza slice. "It's so messy!" you can't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I'll have to cut back on the sauce next time." He mumbles. "I think I went a bit overboard on this one."

"It's fine..." You smile at him.

"Alright, that's plenty cool by now I think." he gives you one of his trademark cool-kid smiles. "Time to dig in!"

Hesitantly, you raise the piece of "pizza" to your mouth...

To borrow Aradia's old emote: 0_0

He smirks. "Is it good?"

You nod as you chew and swallow ("Manners, Nepeta." Kanaya told you). "YES! Very!" You finally say. Your eyes must be really wide or something cause he just smiles and laughs.

"Awesome." He finally says. "Next week we're ramping it up to Pepperoni."


End file.
